blackmagickjen book of shadows

 There are little messages that I have sent to myself as a child to find comfort in. Be that a lesson early on that I would continuously attempt to grasp at or a tune I would play to myself to find motivation.  I was obsessed with Titanic in 1997. I saw it at the theaters as a 10 year old. I first dyed my hair red and dressed as Rose for Halloween. The conflict of having a role to perform that was imposed by societal expectations has always been a personal struggle. As a child it was instilled within me that there was an order for me to follow. I was never encouraged to pursue any goals that would lead to future success. I was under the impression that I had to date, marry, and build my own family. That I did, prioritizing the chase of finding love before ever truly even loving myself. The passion Rose and Jack had in unconventional romance was enticing. The relationships between Rose and the other characters are relatable for me. Her intellectual wit and sarcastic tone flows ...

 Every opportunity that has been presented to me that I have taken advantage of led me here to this moment... On the floor in my bathroom researching copywriting, freelance writing gigs, and content creation... Once again I am here trying to determine my niche and what would set me apart from other capable people. Which rabbit hole should I jump into and forget to climb out of?  Spirituality, nutrition and health, occultism. Which hyperfixation have I experimented with sufficiently enough to claim expertise in enough to write about and profit on?  It has become obvious that my niche is the power within myself that I have harnessed.  I have proven to myself that I can achieve the societal conditioning ideology of success that was instilled within me. I have accomplished everything I have ever said I would and more.  Too many times have I ended up here trying to find a way to exploit my inherent gift of writing before I snap back into my perfectly designed reality...